Nothing Saying This | Spiritual Awakening, Freedom Dancing and Coming Home
Welcome to ‘Nothing Saying This’.
Awakening from the Dream of Separation
If you’ve found your way here, you may be asking questions that seem to have no answer: Why am I here? What is the purpose of all this? Where am I going? Who am I?
A few years ago, I was asking those questions insistently. I sought the answer to those questions and others like, why do we suffer? What’s wrong with me? What is missing from my life? Why am I alive? How do I make my life work? Where do I find peace, satisfaction, fulfilment, ease, rest… and the more I sought, the stronger the feeling of homesickness got.
I found lots of different answers. I found lots of different perspectives, teachings, guidance, advice and practices to develop like meditation, self inquiry, prayer, being of service to others, uncovering my life’s purpose… the answers came in many forms, wrapped up in many different packages and none of them felt like they were taking me home. In fact, the more I searched for home the further away I felt. I became distant, switched off, ill, depressed and confused.
I was convinced that what I was looking for was outside of me. I was convinced I’d lost something. I became convinced that something had to happen to me or that my life had to change in some way for me to really, finally feel fully at home, fully at peace and fully at ease.
Perhaps Nothing Has Been Lost? Perhaps You Never Left Home at All?
And then one day, I entertained this suggestion: maybe what I think I’ve lost is here already, has always been here and always will be here…
And gradually, over time I came to see, feel and experience the deep peace and sense of ease that had felt so unobtainable before. I came to see that it was STILL unobtainable, simply because it was already the here, disguised as all the appearances of life. The fact that it was unobtainable didn’t matter any more because nothing needed to be obtained.
I came to see, feel and experience life with less resistance. Life still happened as it did before, but the heaviness began to ease. It was no longer about me and it never was.
What I’d been looking for what here all along. And although I still want things like clean water, warmth when it’s cold, food when I’m hungry, money when there is no money or healing when there is sickness I no longer want these temporary appearances because they will complete me and make me whole. Seeing that beyond the appearance of clean and dirty, cold and warm, hunger and satisfaction, poverty and abundance there is a completeness that embraces all opposites, a completeness and a wholeness that embraces all dualities… seeing that brings a kind of ease to situations that present unwanted conditions.
Ultimately, awakening from the dream of separation is coming to know myself not as a separate person to whom life happens or who has to make life work for me and others but coming to know myself as unconditional love or the space in which all conditions appear.
There’s No Place Like Home
One of my favourite words to describe this utterly ordinary extraordinariness is home. Seeking of all kinds, including seeking awakening, seeking enlightenment, seeking in meditation or seeking to end seeking is all a search for home. What I try to convey with my writing on this site and in my work is that you are already home. In fact, you literally ARE the home you seek.
All roads lead back to Kansas, they all take us home in the end… where we find we never left in the first place.